Wednesday, November 10, 2010

FAT IS IN!!!!!

I didn't know that fat is in.  I must have missed the memo on extra tight jeans and baby tee to show off my muffin tops.  For those that don't know what muffin top is according to  wikipedia it is the phenomenon of overhanging flesh (fat) when it spills over the waistline of pants or skirts in a manner that resembles the top of a muffin spilling over its paper casing.

Guys are you ready for the extra love handles?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Equal Rights

I hate it when women say they want equal rights.  We don't want equal rights; we want special previlegous, such as double standards. We want you to give us all the rights that you have and some extra ones. Please continues to pick up the bills and open our doors and know that we are always right. 

While you are at it, please make dinner and do the dishes too. 

Monday, November 8, 2010

Skinny Jeans

Who hates it when guys wear skinny jeans?  Not only does it cut off your circulation, but you look better in than I do.   Bitch!  I feel sorry for the little soldiers you are killing.

Take my boyfriend with you the next time you shop.

Running late

Don't you hate it when you are running late?   It seems as if the universe got together and planned how to screw you over.  You hit every single red light.  The slowest moving vehicle seem to find its way to be in front of you.  There are accident on the freeway and the services street are under construction. Your boss for the first time got to the office before you.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"I have a boyfriend"

From my friend Matt

Don't you hate it when a girl does the apropos-of-nothing boyfriend mention?  They come into your work and you asked them, "How may I help you?" She reponded, "I have a boyfriend."

Bitch don't flatter yourself. They pay me to ask if you need help; I'm not hitting on you.

There's nothing to do

Don't you hate it when you can't think of one good reason to get out of bed on Saturday morning, but your can't stay asleep? Maybe I should:
  • Clean the house
  • Do my laundries
  • Go to the gym
  • Wash my car
  • Walk the dog
Nah...they can all wait for tomorrow.

Friday, November 5, 2010


Don't you hate people like me that doesn't have anything better to do but write crap about people?  Instead of blogging, I should be making positive contribution to the society. Volunteer my time to the less fortunate.

It's nice to dream isn't it?

Can I ask you a stupid question?

Tips to idiot.  Never start a question with, "Can I ask you a stupid question?"  The answer is always no. 

There are 2 kind of idiots in the world. 
1. Those who stay quiet and hope that no one finds out that they are an idiot.
2. Those who speak

Which one are you?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Dirty Mouth

This is for my guy friends.

Girls, we know your dog is cute and very loving. Don't you think it is a little bit much that you allow your dog to french you and then expect your man to kiss you afterward?  Maybe if you stop making out with your dog, you will get more action from your man.  If you can't resist your dog, why don't you get your dog's taste out of your mouth before you ask your man for the kiss.  You know guys don't like competition.

Would you make out with your man if he was to taste like a bitch?

You're PMSing

What irks you more when people assumes that you are PMSing when you are cranky?  Aren't you entitled to a bad day?  Maybe your boss have unrealistic expectation.  Perhaps nothing is going your way and the last thing you want to hear is people assuming that you are PMSing.  There are other things that can set you off for no apparent reason.  Girls aren't always made of sugar and spice and everything nice and we are entitled to have bad days.  We have the rights to be annoyed and hate everything.

I hate it even more when they are right.

Self Pity

Don't you hate it when people victimize themselves?  I can't stand it when people think that the world is against them.  They honestly think that people care enough to spend valuable time to plot an evil plan against them.  Why would people think twice about you?  Do you really think that you're that important?

You are not that important!  You're welcome!  Now go do something productive and pay me for your therapy session.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Skinny Girls Telling You That They're Fat

Don't you hate it when skinny girls tell you they are fat while they are stuffing their face with everything that you are craving for?  If you do, I am sorry.  I wasn't really thinking about your feelings, I was just bloated.  I will try to be a little bit more sensitive when I make those kind of comments. 

Please don't beat me when you see me.

"I am about to die!!"

Don't you hate it when people say, "I am about to die" before they start their stories?  Seriously? Are you really going to die if you have one more bite of the pie?  If you are, why did you finish it?  Are you really going to die?  Please don't tease me.

Relationship Experts

Don't you hate it when people start giving you relationship advice?  Just because they are in a relationship that doesn't mean that they know everything about relationships or that they have the right to tell you how you should handle yours.  Who made them the experts anyway?  What is it about their relationship that made them the relationship guru?  Sometimes you just want to vent and you're not looking for advice.

Don't you just HATE that?